Tuesday night

I'm tired. It was a long day. I'm ready for the weekend again. I received the book "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination." Can't wait to start reading.

this morning

I don't wish I was dead but I wish I was with my dead child.

Nice real flipping nice

I like how my family doesn't want to talk to me. They run me off the phone and I get oh I'll call you later. WTF ever! Let's not talk to the dead baby's mom. Psssstttt....Julie lost her baby so let's just ignore that. Let's all have a happy time at Christmas and forget Julie's little baby died. Thanks family that's real awesome.

Today

on the road a lot today for work.

don't take this the wrong way, but I wish I was dead. i hate my life.

thank goodness back on meds.

Rough night

I was in the kitchen for 5 hours today, cooking and baking. I overdid it. I am exhausted. I bake and cook to keep my mind off the holidays and heartache, but now I'm sad because I'm tired.

I can't do this. I'm seriously about done. Everyone is getting excited about Christmas with their kids. I have nothing to be excited about. I'm hurting so much. I showed my mom the June 18 ultrasound picture and was fine, but on the way home from her house, I cried a lot. This is so painful. I'm not strong.

Letter to God:

Why God did you take my child from me? I'm so angry at you. Everyone says something was wrong with my baby, but I say bullshit. It's not true. You took him for no good reason. I would have been a great mom and you know it. I am so mad at you. I have been reading and trying to understand why you did this but I don't. I am not celebrating Christmas. I'm going somewhere with my little dog. I want nothing to do with Christmas and it's your fault. I'm not moving past this or getting over it anytime soon. I can't and I don't want too.

Julie

Music, baking and random.

There are a couple of things that have really helped me deal with this situation. Music!!


And BAKING!!! I've baked a lot in the last month or so.



Randomness...today was okay. No black friday shopping. I couldn't get out that early, plus not a lot of Christmas gifts to buy anyway this year. Nothing to celebrate.

Yay! It's almost over!

So glad Thanksgiving is headed out the door. We went to Myrtle and it was really nice. I was still extremely sad but it was a nice time. Come on 3 days off work! Hopefully my books will come in tomorrow! Yay more reading.

See ya Thanksgiving! It's not been that great so hit the door and good riddance!