Friday, February 4, 2011

This week

I miss Gizmo really bad tonight. I wonder why it's worse sometimes? I guess I just think of what I should be doing right now and what I'm not doing. It really stinks. I wish things were a lot different. Sometimes I just want to sit in my room and just be sad. I often feel like it's wrong for me to be sad or upset.

I'm ready for my Glory Babies meeting. Monday night can not come fast enough. Liz who is the leader of the Cary group is so nice. I had to call her Wednesday because I had a really bad meltdown.

Please really need to stop telling me to move on. I'm tired of it. I'm not moving on. I think about MY child every second of everyday. Healthy or not that's what I do. It's just me. I can't help how I am or how I feel.

Tomorrow will be a very tough day for me. I'm anxious. I think I am going to take my medicine early tomorrow. I'm not sure how I am going to deal with it. It will probably be the biggest challenge I've had to face. I hope I don't chicken out. I am having really bad anxiety about it. Great now I'm crying. I do not think I can do it. I have a lump in my throat and my stomach is churning.

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