Long Week

It has been a long rough week. Something has got to change soon, seriously.

I hate being home by myself. Unfortunately and fortunately my husband is at work trying to get a new job.

Oh and our ceiling leaked last night so now we have a hole and we have to get a new washer. Really 2011, really? On a positive note, I'm cranking up my ebay selling again. I need new clothes for spring/summer and I don't have a lot of $ to spend.

Trust, Faith and True Colors

I normally don't post during the day but we just had an incident at work. A coworker and I just got in trouble. We both work hard and try to make sure that what goes out of this office is top notch (granted we all make mistakes). I guess that's why we work so well together. Anyway, apparently correcting someone when you know they are wrong is considering talking back. Wow!

I was taught to do the best job I can do and be proud of my work and respect others in doing so. How is it that we can be disrepected and nothing is done, yet we correct others who are wrong in order to make sure we continue to provide correct and accurate information to our clients, but that's considered being disrespectul. I'm confused.

My faith and trust in people is really diminishing. You think people have your back but sometimes those are the ones who don't. Really sad and upsetting day and it's only 11:00 a.m.

Love Michael

Keep on loving what is true and the world will come to you, you can find it in yourself

....Michael Buble (Hollywood lyrics)

No words

I actually have no words today. I am mentally and physically exhausted.

Lonely

People think they know me, but they don`t. Not really. Actually, I am one of the loneliest people on this earth. I cry sometimes, because it hurts. It does. To be honest, I guess you could say that it hurts to be me.

--Michael Jackson

Sadness

I'm so very sad today. I'm very overwhelmed at work and so preoccupied with missing the baby. Plus I think I'm getting sick again. I feel so alone. I am alone.

Unreal

I am supposed to be a mom now, but I'm not. Instead I am sitting in my room alone. There are a few folks who actually remembered what today is...I kind of had an inside bet as to who would call, etc. and here are the results:

Email:
David

Text and Phone:
Jess

In person:
Everyone from work..well the girls at least (especially "ninja")

Phone:
Grandma

That about sums it up. Seriously that's all. I'm a little shocked but not surprised.

My balloon release (by myself) was really nice. I'm going to post pictures tomorrow. I emailed two adoption agencies yesterday, one contacted me today (thanks Aunt Debbie). I've not made a decision just want information.

Today is almost over. Just as I anticipated, just another day for most other than those I mentioned. Anna Grace Simpson (yeap that's the girls name I decided on) or Robert Franklin Simpson V (there's the boy name) are extremely missed.

Tomorrow is the day and I'm not sure I will post.

Baby Simpson
Conceived through love April 25, 2010
Received angel wings June 18, 2010

Mommy misses you so very much!


Glory Baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

So sad

Wow, I literally should have my hospital bag packed right now. I'm so glad we are closed tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a "do whatever Julie wants to day." I think I am going to see that movie Rabbit Hole and going to visit my work family from my previous job. So weird that's out now so close to my due date. Then I'm going to party city or somewhere to order my balloons. Still not sure where I am going to release them. I don't have a lot of favorite places around here. Maybe I will go to the park down the street. I'd love to do it at the beach but I'm a little too far to drive on Tuesday afternoon. Time flies so fast. I can't believe it's already here. I feel like I should do more than just a balloon release but I'm not sure what. I miss my kid so much. I can't hardly stand it. I should be getting ready to have a baby, but I'm not and it makes me so very sad.

January 14

My heart is heavy today. My due date is 4 days away.

Ice Day

Well today work was closed! Yay! I still feel yucky so it was nice to stay home without having to take PTO.

Sweet Poem

Daddy please don't look so sad,

Momma please don't cry,

Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and

He sings me lullabies.

Please try not to question God,

Don't think He is unkind.

Don't think He sent me to you,

And then He changed His mind.

You see, I am a Special Child,

And I am needed up above,

I'm the special gift you gave Him,

The product of your love.

I'll always be there with you,

And watch the sky at night

Find the brightest star that's gleaming,

That's my halo's brilliant light

You'll see me in the morning frost,

That mists your windowpane.

That's me, in the summer showers,

I'll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze,

From a gentle wind that blows,

That's me, I'll be there,

Planting a kiss on your nose.

When you see a child playing,

And your heart feels a little tug,

That's me, I'll be there,

giving your heart a hug.

So, daddy, please don't look so sad,

Mommy don't you cry.

I'm in the arms of Jesus,

and He sings me lullabies.

Tears

I am sitting in my room in the dark just crying. This stinks. I could fill multiple buckets with my tears.

Tick Tock

Wow less than two weeks before due date. I left work early today in an effort to take better care of myself. I feel that work is getting ready to get really busy. I hate taking PTO right at the new year but there are so many days I have gone to work sick. Luckily nobody at work is upset. They all know what is approaching (I'm vocal) and so they understand. It was rough today. I've got to make some changes in my life, but the one person that I thought would change everything is gone. I miss that child so much it hurts. It's hard to believe that in less than two weeks I would be a mom, oh wait I still am. I have never felt any greater pain than this. I never understood how women said they bonded immediately when they found out they were pregnant, but now I do. I have so much love to give a child, I would have given that child an amazing life.

Worn Down

That's what I am today. I stayed home due to being sick. I've been sick twice in the last 3 weeks. Not good. I need to start taking better care of myself.