Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Story

A little background:

Robert and I were married on March 8, 2003. We had talked about kids..I wanted 2 he wanted 1. I agreed. The years went by...2004, 2005, kids. Vacations and trips oh yes!! We decided no kids!! We were having too much fun together! House in a nice neighborhood, two dogs and a cat. We were fine. 2007, 2008 were great!!!

2009: Between the beginning of March and the middle of May I had broken my foot, lost my job, broken my elbow and had surgery. It was not good. I fell into deep depression. I felt worthless and alone. July 2009, I got a job at a law firm..not what I wanted but at least I had a backup. In August 2009, husband lost his job. Unemployment again?!?!? My job at the law firm lasted until almost the end of December. I got another job with a bigger and better law firm in Raleigh! Yay closer to home and doing something I was good at!! January 2010, back to ortho for follow up....not good. Not good equals more surgery! February 18 2010 back for more surgery to remove excess bone, remove screws and ligament surgery. Three more months of PT.

Fast forward to April 2010....Las Vegas. I wasn't supposed to go, but I had received comps which were non transferable. It was cheaper for me to go with Mr. vs. him paying so much for room. April 25, 2010...he should have gone out with his friends, instead the conception of Baby Simpson occurred.

Pregnancy: I knew I was pregnant. I felt different within a couple of days. I took a test super early...negative. Next week right before period...another test...negative. Following week, period period. Two days late...took another test....POSITIVE! What?!?!?!??! We didn't want kids!! I was freaking out!! I called my GYN and immediately scheduled a blood test. Blood test was positive...I was pregnant!!

I immediately told my brother and my mom. Tears of fear and joy! I waited almost a week to tell my husband. He was so supportive. We didn't want kids but this was a blessing. I was excited! OMG!! Cribs, clothes, grandparents, etc! EEEKKKK!

First OB appointment, everything was great! Heart was beating fast! OMG, I saw my baby. I was feeling good. A little nausea but not too bad. The cravings set in. Ugh, no wine! :(

JUNE 18, 2010...second ob appointment! Talked to Dr. Z about how to prepare and whether or not I wanted additional testing due to age. I said yes. Ultrasound time. Holy baby looked like a baby!! I was so excited!! Unfortunately my excitement was short lived. Dr. looked at nurse and then nurse was crying. I had miscarried. My baby was dead. Dr. thought it was the week before but I say date of death was 6.18.10. That was the day that part of me died.

EMOTIONS: Angry, sad, mad, depressed, alone.

D&C: June 21, mom's birthday. I did good until I had to go back. I was in denial. Cramping, bleeding and pain. Miserable. Why was this happening?

To be continued.....

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